Kill My Lioness.

No pictures tonight.

I don't fully know how to express how I'm feeling.
I'm not sure that anyone would care even if I could.
I'm not sure anyone gets quite what I write on here.
But tonight I'm going to try and express myself in plain words. No fragments, no pictures, no imagery of how much I want to turn my lungs inside out.

And now I don't know where to start.

I'm laying on my parents sofa. I feel asleep here last night and had to peel my face off the stupid fake leather.
I wish I'd never shaved my head. I have too much flesh on my stomach and not enough on my breasts.
I honestly can't bare to look at myself in the mirror, it disgusts me.
I'm curled up in the fetal position. And I want so badly for someones arms to be around me, for someone to kiss my forehead and my neck and to whisper into my ear that nothing bad is ever going to happen again. That this is as low as I can get, that it's all uphill from here.
The person I want to be here the most is about 3,000 miles away and never coming back.
And even though typing that, and re-reading it, makes my heart hurt and my tears sting, it is not the worst pain.
I doubt everything and I wish I didn't. There's tears and snot running down my face and I want to bury myself in my duvet and never show my face again, but it's too hot.
I doubt everything and I wish I know how not to. I want to have faith when you tell me you miss me. I want to have faith in that last kiss. I want to have faith that you are at least feeling some of this pain with me.
But the truth is, I look at myself and I disconnect myself and I couldn't imagine anyone feeling that strongly about someone like me.

Everyone has always expected me to be okay and I can't really do it anymore.

-Dagger.